I want to start out by saying I haven’t been the best version of myself. Saturday evening through Sunday I stumbled, my being was all over the place. I felt like I was wandering around with my head in the clouds of negativity and I couldn’t get out.
I stumbled on my journey of being positive and it has been painful. I hurt today, I don’t hurt physically but I do hurt emotionally. This weekend I took my insecurities and my ego and I let them get the best of me. I let them dictate what I said and how I said it to the people I love. I could not control myself and I could not see that in the process I was hurting others. I lost my awareness of my being, I lost the ability to breathe and the ability to move thoughts out of my head. I’ve been so good at doing it lately but I couldn’t. Why couldn’t I do what I did so well for the past several months? That is something that I will try to figure out I’m the next couple days as I try to regain my journey of positivity of light, human kindness, and patience.
At time’s I still let my emotions control me rather than me controlling my emotions. This becomes very dangerous for my being and my journey. I write every day to share and I try to be positive about all the things that have been working for me. Maybe I’m realizing that I need to do more. Maybe I need to hold myself more accountable for my actions and not let myself slip.
I have been bad about using my phone at night, I’ve been bad about not meditating daily. I’ve been bad about not making time for things that are important for me to find my balance. I’ve also started to incorporate alcohol back into my life, not a lot but maybe it’s causing me to lapse in all my positive steps. I know I don’t feel the same as I did before. I feel more irritable than I did last month. I feel like I need to start all over again. I’ve taken a step back, but I’m taking a step forward by talking about my falls.
We all fall, but the point of this is to see how we rise. I will rise from this stronger than before. I know that every time I have fallen I have learned something that will make me stronger and better today.
Today I will be better than I was yesterday. Today is a new opportunity to learn from my mistakes. I will continue to make mistake, I will continue not to be perfect. I will try to do good, but I won’t let the mistakes destroy me.